It was in response to the first "Mixed Tap" CD I had given her. It was called "AM/FM" (a play on her moniker, AM and it was From Me). There was another two in that series.
Then I gave her a double album of songs that I compiled during the second attempt that I was a part of. This was the turning point in our relationship for me (the event, not the CD). For despite the feelings I had had until then, I was acting cool, remaining ambivalent and non-commital. It had to take that act to wake me up. Until then we had not said Those Three Words to each other. We'd beat around the bush with "I love it when you...." etc. But we had always recognised the look we found in each others eyes. When we were In The Act, we avoided opening our eyes at the same time - we were so scared of what we could see in them: sheer soulful, yearning, aching love. We later acknowledged the look and accepted that what we had was not all just "chemistry"
The double album was compiled when I thought she was dead, if not so severely damaged that she'd require a Carer for ever more, a fate far worse for Ruby than living. The album, called Before Middle End Next, captured the soundtrack for the phases of our time together:
- How We Got There - love song dedications
- The End? - dark songs of love and madness tracking the descent into her attempt
- Bye Bye - sad songs of love lost captured my sorrow when I was sure she was gone
- Hello Again - expressing joy that she was alive and optimism that we may have a future together.
She liked the CD's and I was working on a an album cover which included all of the lryicvs with the parts highlighted. Like everything, it took me ages to finalise, and during one "episode" I sent it to her in soft copy so that she could see what I was doing for her. I never got around to properly presenting it to her.
No comments:
Post a Comment